Every Time
by Majestically Mystical
Summary: Every time she smiled, he couldn't help but smile too. Every time he looked at her, his heart beat faster, faster, faster. Every time, Yuki just wanted to be loved by Tohru. But he was never loved. Kyo was.


**Title**: Every Time

**Author**: Majestically Mystical

**Summary**: Every time she smiled, he couldn't help but smile too. Every time he looked at him, his heart would beat faster, faster, faster. Every time, Yuki wanted Tohru to love him. But he was never loved. Kyo was.

**Main Character**: Yuki Sohma

**Warnings**: Major angst. Contains some dialogue from Volume 21 - nothing that would really count as a spoiler.

**Author Notes**: I think this is my best fanfic yet, because of the major angst, and because of the emotions, and the _feel_ of the story, how it struck a chord in me, how I was practically crying writing this.

I hate KyoxTohru now, because of _way_ too much corny, fanfics, so _here's_ an actually good (I hope) onesided YukixTohru fic.

Really, I believe that this is well-written, so please, give me some constructive criticism.

What do you think of the format of it? I think it's formatted pretty well, and I also put a lot of emotion, and emphasis through _italicizing_ and underlining and **bolding**. Seriously, it has more text features than all my other fanfics combined.

**Note**: This isn't a oneshot, unless you don't review. It's multi-chaptered.

* * *

Every time she smiled, he couldn't _help_ but smile too.

Every time she cried, he would do _anything_ just to see **that** smile **_again_**.

Every time she was near, his spirits would soar.

Every time she looked at him, his heart would beat _faster_, _faster_, **_faster_**.

Every time, Yuki wanted Tohru to **love** him.

But he was **never** loved.

Kyo was.

* * *

"Mother… That she would say such a thing as 'I won't forgive you'…" she said, voice shaking, head bowed.

"I-I just… I can't believe it.," she continued in a quiet voice.

"… I can't… Her saying… that… But if… if… she really said such a thing… then… I…" she broke off, trying to gather her emotions.

"If… If she really said that," she said firmly with her fist clenched, "I have to be against her…!"

His eyes widened in shock.

"Because nothing- I-" She paused.

"Don't you understand…?" she whispered.

"I just love Kyo…!" she cried at last, raising her head at last to look at the object of her desires. Tears streamed down her face as she poured out her heart to him.

He watched from the doorway, his heart clenching at that last statement. At those horrible, _horrible _words.

No, no, no, no, **no**. It's not _true_.

It **couldn't **be.

… _**How …**_

How could he have _missed _that? Those prolonged stares, those embarrassed blushes, those lingering touches…

No. He _had _known. He just wouldn't admit it to himself. He had told himself lies, half-truths. **Anything**.

_Ignorance_. **Denial**.

He couldn't admit it to himself. _Couldn't_…

It was the one thing that kept him happy, let him live each day so _carefree_… So he _wouldn't _- couldn't - acknowledge **that**.

… **_What …_**

What were these feelings? These emotions? These inexplicable, _un_explainable, indescribable feelings coursing through him?

_Overpowering_ him… Enveloping him, suffocating him. Wrapping around him like a blanket, smothering him.

**Betrayal**.

He had been betrayed. By Kyo, by Tohru… By _himself_.

**Deceit**.

He wanted to deceive himself. To tell himself that this was all a _lie_, nothing more. Was he pathetic to believe in a false reality, when the real one was _right in front of him_?

**Rejection**.

He had been rejected. He thought she would understand, that she would _heal _him, and everything would be fine. He was pitiable, really, for believing that.

**Loneliness.**

He was alone, _oh so_ alone. He had certainly been alone before – all his life. Yet how come _this_ feeling left him powerless, left him _so_… _weak_?

**Worthlessness.**

He was the cunning, deceiving _rat_, who everybody hated. Can you explain the feeling of _worthlessness_? How insignificant you feel you are? How you are _nothing_, that if you died, _no one_ would _care_?

**Emptiness.**

He felt strangely empty, devoid of all emotion for a moment. His heart hardened in a heartbeat, everything froze and his mind remained _empty_ for a few precious seconds.

Then everything returned and he wanted to _scream_, to cry out, to say **anything** and **everything**.

He thought he had hit rock bottom, and now? _Dig deeper…_

Didn't _they_ understand?

She was his _everything_. Whatever he did; smile, talk, breathe… it was all because of _her_. It was all forher. Because she was his **everything**. His **world**.

And then everything has _shattered_, in a split second, in those few **moments**.

He collapsed, back sliding down against the door frame.

He laughed bitterly, tears cascading down in a flurry of sorrow, regret, _loneliness_. And with it, **realization**.

_I really **am** alone, aren't I?_


End file.
